Thursday, May 05, 2005

Why a Dildo is a Good Gift

Have you ever noticed how when something unbelievable is happening to you and you think, "Oh, am I dreaming? I surely must be dreaming!", you invariably never are. That's because dreams somehow just never ever seem like dreams when you're having them, so there's absolutely zero chance of you thinking that while you're actually dreaming. The same goes for the "Pinch me to see if I'm awake" routine. If you thought about asking someone to pinch you, you're definitely awake. I don't know of one person, who pinched himself awake during a dream he found too incredible to believe.

Speaking of dreams, my dreams of a Chelsea-PSV UEFA Championship Final have been shattered. Well, it wasn't really a dream, but that seemed like a fitting continuation from the previous paragraph. But seriously, Liverpool-Milan? I can't think of a more boring final! (Oh wait I can! Rameez Raja could have been doing the commentary!)

That's another thing I don't get (yeah, along with the million other things that I've mentioned someplace earlier)! What is it with cricket commentators? Most of them are so boring, they would make a snail race seem exciting! (Or actually they wouldn't, since they'd be commentating!) And what's making things worse is that today any Tom, Dick and Harry (Akram, Waqar and Sohail? Sorry for the Paki bashing here, but they are the worst!) who retires, believes he should 'give' something back to the game! Now coaching is out of the question, since at least a rudimentary knowledge of the game is a must for that. (Un)Fortunately, these people believe commentating has no such prerequisites! So thrown in a shirt, tie (and a shower?) and we have the babbling buffoons we see in the commentary box today. I must say, and I'm not being biased here, but the guys calling games in the NBA are so much better. Color, play-by-play or whichever other type of commentary you like, they're all excellent!

Someone's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, and three of us guys have decided to get her a 'sex toy'! Our plans seem to have hit a major roadblock though, for we have no clue about where we might lay our hands on one. All the girls we know, 'innocently' claim that they do not use such things and would therefore have no idea about where they are sold. What a load of baloney! Don't use a sex toy? Yeah, right!

Some girls were even (officially) offended by the thought of giving someone such a gift for her birthday. I don't understand what's wrong with it? It's great gift! And so practical! A show-piece will remain in a cabinet, a wall-hanging on the wall; but with this gift, the pleasuse is all yours! And why would a girl want one when she can get herself a guy instead? Because -

1. A dildo has a 'Switch Speed' button
2. A dildo will not fall asleep after it's over, and
3. With a dildo, you know size isn't a concern

(Man, I wish they made something for guys!) Actually, they already do! It's got five appendages and called a hand!

No comments: