Friday, May 13, 2005

Fifth Floor, Please!

One of the most interesting places, in my opinion, is the good ol' elevator! Actually it isn't just my opinion - in a poll on where people fantasize the most about having sex, the elevator didn't rank too badly!

I've had a few adventures in an elevator myself, not the least of which being the time I was once trapped in one for about 25 minutes when it broke down. And gee, if you think Sol Campbell is dark and scary, you should have seen this!!

I was then a brash, young adolescent; one of those who believe few bad things could ever happen to them. So I enter the damn thing, and confidently press my floor. Midway through, it suddenly jars to a stop, and everything goes black. And yeah, it didn't help that I suffer from a mild case of claustrophobia!

There are times though when you don't really mind the elevator breaking down. A good example (probably the only example!) would be when your only co-passenger is an attractive young female! (Actually, scratch out the 'only' part - two or three attractive young females would be even better!) A classic case of the damsel-in-distress and you get to play the knight in shining armor. Although, why the two of you'll would want to get out of there is the 1,302,439 (hey! it just seems like a really big number!) dollar question!

Interesting-Elevator-Situation #49932 in The Big Book of Interesting-Elevator-Situations (what else?) deals with the emission of malodorous effluvium by an individual in a multi-passengered elevator. In simple English? Someone farting. I've been involved in more than one such scenario (always playing the passive role, I must add), and trust me, they can be really funny. Unless you're choking because of the smell, that is. The innocent victims scan each other carefully trying to detect who the culprit is. The malefactor meanwhile either breaks into a spontaneous conversation with the person next to him to try and distract everyone from the core issue, or may sometimes try to act like one of the victims by pretending to scan the rest like them.

I generally tend to avoid elevators and prefer the stairs where possible, especially when descending. It's a great way to burn off those extra calories, and one of the reasons I'm so thin in spite of eating anything and everything. The only time I make an exception, though, is when I see the potential damsel-in-distress waiting in front of the elevator!


maverick said...

hey.. well written. ive been following ur blog for some time now...must say, love ur style n u really have me laughing.. keep up the good work

arnold said...

thnx pal!