Sunday, May 29, 2005

Bat - tered!



I am no great animal lover. I do not find little puppies cute. Nor bats. So when a couple of months ago a bat decided it liked my balcony as a hang-out zone (pun intended!), I decided it was time to take matters into my own (very capable) hands. Now, Ozzy Osbourne would have gotten rid of the little vermin by biting its ugly little head off, but a detailed study has finally concluded that although I do fancy peeing on audiences at a rock concert, I am not Ozzy!

So I decided to just drive the poor thing away. But it came back. So I drove it away again. And again it came back! 2395 'drive-away and come-back's later (ok, so it probably was a little less than that!), I'd had enough! It was like a bad horror novel... without the hot chicks! A 2x4 should settle things nicely. One well-timed swing and the little twerp was gone permanently. Not just from my balcony, but from this world!

Apparently though, the news network in the bat community isn't quite great. (It must be Aaj Tak!) So while you may have thought that my act would keep all the other bats away from the killing grounds (read - my balcony), that's not really what happened. Well, things were quiet for a while. But then this evening another bat decided to come and settle (upside) down!

Now, having already once been given a demonstration of the learning abilities (or the lack of them) of a bat, I decided that this time the 2x4 would make an earlier appearance. Let no one say that I'm a cold-hearted murderer callous about the lives of God's little creatures, though! So I did give it one chance to make good it's escape. But no! It came back. 2x4, nice swing, connect - presto! No bat!

I don't think any more bats are likely to put in appearances in my balcony any more. Unless they want to commit suicide. In that case, they don't have too many other choices. It's hard for a bat to buy sleeping pills or any other drugs at the pharmacy! Well, the 2x4's ready!



18 comments:

Nef said...

napthalene repels bats, you bloody murderer... pff poor little things, bats are sooo lovely, they eat mosquitos... anyway.Why do you kill animals if you don't eat them. That's bad, only humans should be killed that way :p.

Salil said...

I love animals. Chicken is my favourite.

arnold said...

nef - hey! i didnt want to kill the damn thing.. but it just didnt seem to be taking a hint!! n i didnt know abt the napthalene thingie... think i'll try it nxt time...

arnold said...

salil - hehe!! me too... ;)

Varun said...

same abt da chicken!! :P I think ur house must b a nice resting place 4 da bats... As u said bats cant buy sleeping pills, they must b gettin sme nice sleep at ur balcony!!

Pallavi said...

oh my a batty time you seem to have had.. I am having a tough time with two big pigeons.. who seem to think that it is my duty to feed them and their duty to dirty my window sill with their poop...

arnold said...

varun - maybe if they just started selling them to bats.. ;)

arnold said...

pallavi - hey, i've heard from others (and can vouch from one personal experince!) tht pigeons are xtremely delicious!

tequila69 said...

Bats are ugly creatures.

arnold said...

tequila69 - *thank* you!

siddharth said...

bats are really cute but since u have decided that you will kill all those who decide to come to u, O evil one, Join the dark side; we love killing (and dismembering) near and dear ones.

Kunal Thakar said...

I am going to complain to PETA. Cold blooded murderer.

arnold said...

siddarth - enuf of the same theme.. how about switching to something else for a change??

arnold said...

KT - while you're down there with the blokes at PETA, there's something u can tell them... hmm... i forget.. yeah right.. that they can kiss my sweet /\$$

Varun said...

well arnold y dun u cme up wid sme sleepin pills 4 them? then mebbe u can stop killin them, kunal wont call u a cold murder ne more :P

arnold said...

tht's my nxt project... think i shld focus a bit more on the exams for now ;)

chetan said...

ya u better shd,and agree that bats r hideous creatures.they always remind me of ozzy and his penchant for them.BTW the whole thing abt loving animals is crap me thinks,here in this cruel world think how much u care abt ur own species first then go lookin around givin ur overflowing love to others..
if people wud hav understood this there wudnt hav been any murders,no brother wud hav betrayed his brother, no person wud hav sent his mom dad to old age homes, no mother wud hav abandoned her bastard child for the fear of fukin soc.

sorry ,emotional overflow.Not like i care so much but a passin thought...

arnold said...

good points made, chetan... very interesting...