Friday, June 02, 2006

Facial Fashions Gone Wrong

I’ve never understood the need for two particular male facial hair fashions -- the mustache and the French beard.

I think some men look best clean shaven, some with varying levels of unshaved stubble and some with a nice and proper full-beard. But I can’t think of a single man who can truthfully claim he looks best with either a mustache or a French beard! Think about it. Name one celebrity hunk who sports a French beard. (Porn stars don’t count.) I bet you can’t. And even if you could, I doubt that’s his best look! You might be able to think of a couple who do sport mustaches, but again I doubt they’d be very strong cases.

So why did these two fashions come about? And why do guys still sport them? I think the mustache is a married man’s way of telling his wife he’s not looking out for someone else. It’s like saying, “Here, I’ll grow a mustache, darling. Just so that I drop below that level that girls still find attractive. You have nothing to worry about now.” The wife’s equivalent for this is putting on a few extra pounds. Just so that her husband can feel safe that she’s out of the game too. I think if you take a survey of all the married couples out there, you’ll find the ones where the husband wears a mustache and the wife is slightly overweight are generally the happiest.

What about the French beard? I find it extremely puzzling that the French lend their name, on the one hand, to something as beautiful as the French Kiss while at the same time on the other, to something as ugly as the French beard. A French beard is basically trouble for nothing. It takes effort to trim and shape it and all you get for your pains is the fact that you now look uglier than before. You’d do so much better just shaving it all off.

Why do guys wear a French beard? Anyone want to answer that?

10 comments:

Vincent said...

It looks good on a lot of people. Yep it takes effort to trim, shape and maintain. If it suits your face, you've never looked better.
And about the French lending their name.. the phrase "French beard" is very much indian. In the US its just referred to as a goatee and moustache. This might help.

Arnold said...

vincent - hmm.. interesting link.. thanks

_ð!®†ß¤¥ said...

Me thinks fashion comes from the heart. Something thats fashionable to one, can be disgusting to another.. To cite an example, your unwashed cap, the one you wore for the entire sem.. witout washing? Looked good on you? Yea rite.. Can u explain the cap?

Arnold said...

facesmasher - you want to ask steve waugh about the unwashed baggy green? there's fashion and there's tradition, mate! dont confuse the two... for example, dunking the championship winning coach in football with gatorade ain't fashion!

Freaky Chakra said...

i used to wear the "french" for one whole year. Maintained vehemently that i looked good in it & it was cool. Then my girlfriend came & amde me shave it off.

Now i think i was dumb! :)

Arnold said...

freaky chakra - welcome to the enlightened world, my man!

_ð!®†ß¤¥ said...

Tradition? What tradition says about a dirty old smelly cap to be worn non-stop? And as far as i know, u never subscribe to tradition. Accept it da.. The cap was your rudimentary idea of being fashionable.. Or at least some weird-ass concept that it mite help you get laid.. :p (all ur actions do seem to be directed at that one goal.. )

Arnold said...

facesmasher - let me see if i can figure out a pleasant way of saying this...

Umm.. Sod off?? [Okay, guess i didn't quite succeed! :P]

Saltwater Blues said...

lol@facesmasher ... But would it have been ok if Arnie here had washed that cap once a week? :)

As for French beards, I'd say it's simply an attempt to draw attention using facial hair, in cases where one's face itself is not up to the job.


good post bro!

Arnold said...

saltwater blues - hehe.. thanks.. nice point there about wanting to draw attention away from the other facial features.. though wouldn't a FULL beard do a better job by completely hiding the whole thing??