Think You’re Really Smart? Think Again.

Last night we were talking of extended sleeping habits and someone said that only babies sleep 11 hours a day. Kunal Sawardekar quietly says, “Babies are smarter than we give them credit for.”

“Smart? What does he know,” I think to myself. “I’d like to meet the baby that can solve quadratic equations or expound upon Post-Keynesian Economics!”

But a little thought put into the matter convinced me that he was quite right -- babies are way smarter than we think! Imagine having to do nothing all day expect sleep, eat, shit, look cute and maybe burp once in a while! What’s smarter, I ask you? Working your ass off to earn millions? Or doing the things I just described above everyday?

Sure, they may not know much about science, philosophy, literature, art or anything of the sort. They may not be able to change a flat tire or cook. They certainly can’t hold their own in a debate. But here’s the deal -- they don’t have to! They’ve already got it made!

People with dogs often tell me that dogs are much smarter than cats. “No, they’re not,” I counter.

“Try teaching a cat how to pull a sled, fetch the newspaper or catch a Frisbee in its mouth,” they offer, with a look of smug satisfaction on their faces.

“Yeah,” I say. “My argument exactly!”

Cats are smart enough to see work for what it really is -- work! It’s not that they’re so stupid that they can’t learn any of these tasks; it’s just that they’re so smart they don’t want to! Meanwhile the dog, stupid as it is, lets itself get trained into performing silly tasks for its master. That’s not smart.

I’m thoroughly convinced that babies, if they wanted, are smart enough to take over the world. Heck! Think about it -- they already have! All their needs are serviced by a willing posse of adults. What’s the hardest thing they have to do all day? Get pinched on the cheek every once in a while. And put up with “Oh! What cutie little baby! Aww...”! That’s about it! Life’s a breeze!

I’m going to feed my cat now.