Fantasy? Thanks, but I'd Rather Be Eaten Alive By Gandalf!

I don’t like fantasy movies. Actually, I’m not too fond of movies at all. I don’t watch much TV at home, and so sitting myself in front of the screen for two hours while watching a movie isn’t my favorite activity. And of course it also involves managing to catch the movie at the start, the chances of which are too negligible for my liking. Thus, I rarely ever watch a movie at home.

What about movie halls? To be very frank, my bed offers a cheaper place to fall asleep. True, I may not get the comfort of air conditioning, but at least I don’t have to pay a hefty admission fee and then have pop-corn and other edible substances hurled at me in disgust by people who are disturbed by my snoring. Oh and yeah, I prefer to snooze in a supine position.

However, having said all this, there are some kinds of movies that I can bear - even enjoy at times. For example - comedy. Especially the silly teenage kind. Like the American Pie series or The Girl Next Door. I’m not too fond of animated movies like Shrek or Ice Age, but will condescend to putting up with them if I have a cute girl sitting next to me. Cries of “Oh! Isn’t Sid just the cutest!” will go unheard by me thanks to the earplugs in my ears.

Another genre that I like are the ones based on true stories. For example, Cinderella Man. Even though the movies Titanic (both of the ones that I saw) weren’t great at all, I sat through the entire thing purely since they were based on true stories. Okay, I confess Kate Winslet’s uninhibited shedding of clothing in the more recent one possibly had a small role to play, but since those clips are available everywhere I didn’t really have to catch the movie for them.

However, this allows us to move smoothly into the next category of movies that I like - pornographic ones. But since any movie enthusiast worth his salt won’t consider these to be movies any more than a tennis lover would consider a streaker at Wimbledon to be part of the game, we’ll just skip right past them.

For some reason I like to see the movie if I’ve already read the book. Hence I’ve seen most of the movies that have been made out of John Grisham novels. None of the movies come anywhere close to being as good as the books (no movie can anyway), but I still enjoyed them. A Beautiful Mind obviously scores high on my list by virtue of being both a true story and a book that I’ve read.

Now to get to the movies I hate - fantasy films! Okay movie freaks hold your breath - I hate (detest, dislike, loathe, abhor, have an aversion for, look askance at etc) the following movies:-

1) The Lord of the Rings (all three parts)
2) Star Wars (all six-too-many parts)
3) The Matrix (I hated the first, ‘reloaded’ my gun whenever anyone spoke about the second, and positively ‘revolted’ when the third came out)
4) Harry Potter (all how-many-ever movies)
5) The Lion King (or anything else that has crawled its way out of Walt Disney’s ass)
6) Star Trek (on both big screen and small)

This is list far from exhaustive! Almost as far as that ‘galaxy far away’, I might say so that fantasy freaks understand. All five of them, that is. On second thoughts - wait, I doubt they even have minds any more. Fantasy does that to you.


(Oooh, I see the light-sabers coming out (accompanied by that irritating sound that all fantasy freaks make while they draw their imaginary light-sabers). Mommy, I’m scared. I’ve antagonized five crazy freaks.)