Orkut and Arsenal - the Perfect Combination of Inanity!

Orkut as an “online community that connects people through a network of trusted friends” (as it advertises itself) sucks. Orkut as a source instant entertainment however, never fails to let one down.

Two such examples can be found here and here.


A few days ago, I stumbled across the “I Hate Arsenal” community on Orkut. One of topics in the community was “Anti-Arsenal Jokes”. Here are a sample few:-


Q - Why doesn’t Arsene Wenger look down in the shower?
A - Because he doesn’t like to look down on the unemployed.

Q - Why doesn’t Sol Campbell look down in the shower?
A - He doesn’t take a shower!



The evening before the big Arsenal v/s Man Utd game, Paul Scholes tells his teammates to take the weekend off while he faced Arsenal alone. The rest of the Man Utd team is surprised but they comply, and duly jet off to a sunny, tropical island for the weekend. At match time, they decide to follow the game via regular updates on their cell phones.

The match begins and at the five minute mark they see that the score reads “Man Utd - 1, Arsenal - 0.” They’re delighted -- Scholes must have managed to score against 11 men. Regular updates keep coming in every five minutes but the score doesnt change in the first half and Man Utd go into the break with a one goal lead. The second half continues in much the same vein and at the end of the regulation 90 minutes the score still reads 1-0. Just as they are about to celebrate the victory however, they get a final update that Arsenal has managed to score in injury time, thereby drawing the game. Nevertheless, they’re pretty excited that Scholes has managed to hold Arsenal to a draw all by himself.

When they return to Manchester the next day, Scholes meets them at the airport. They begin to congratulate him when they realize that he’s extremely gloomy.

“What’s the matter?” they ask. “You held off a team of eleven all by yourself, and surely that’s no small feat!”

“Well,” replies Scholes. “And we’d have won the damn thing too... if I hadn’t been sent off in the 7th minute!”



Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Arsene Wenger:
“From my position in the dug-out I did not see the incident clearly so I cannot really comment. However, I do think that he gets picked on by opposition players and fans who are clearly chickenophobic.”



I’m sure the few Arsenal fans out there have probably gotten together and formed their own “I Hait Manchestor Unitid” community. (It goes without saying that Arsenal fans have terrible spelling.) They’ve probably tried to come out with a bunch of Man Utd jokes too. However this effort must have been seriously impeded by both their complete lack of intelligence and the fact that, unlike their own club, the first four letters of ‘Manchester United’ don’t spell out one’s posterior!

Arsenal, I was told, gets its name from the fact that it’s situated next to an ammunitions factory. This is also the reason behind why they’re called ‘The Gunners’. (I used to think this was because all the cooler names had already been taken!) What I’d really like to know is where their manager Mr Arsene Wenger gets his name from! There are forty-three theories to explain his unusual first name, all of which hinge on the fact that his parents had given up on him even before he was born.

I don’t know what it is about Arsenal, but they lend themselves to ridicule almost as much as Mr Bush’s face is custom made for caricaturing. (What? You’ve never noticed this? Look carefully next time. Or maybe it’s just me.)


Oh, and don’t bother to write in about how great Arsenal are and how Man Utd suck like a thirsty baby going at juicy nipple because I don’t follow the EPL and I’m a fan of neither of these teams.