Wednesday, February 09, 2005

No Pun Intended!!

Read the following puns - some are really good. My favorites include 2, 4, 7, 9 and 10 (which is devilishly tricky!!)

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on his blog with the hope that at least one of the puns would make you laugh.

No pun in ten did????

10 comments:

Anna said...

all of them did!!!
i really think i am crazy... you are not going to read this comment anyway...
but your writing is totally funny...
been laughing and smiling so much since i started reading your blog today...
shit. i must be crazy!!!

Arnold said...

anna - hehe! yeah... i totally loved the one about Gandhi!! OMG! tht's such a killer... memorize it.. it comes in handy! lol!

looks like u've decided to head up the archives, eh? tht's wht i always do when i come across a blog i like.. treat it like a book.. ok.. now i'm talking crap

Anna said...
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Anna said...

oh.. and you're 5'11".. just read it somewhere... thats extremely wierd...

anywy...in case you 're thinking i am jobless... - i am... :-)
lol..

Anna said...

and i just re-read my first comment.. i meant elder sister...

Arnold said...

anna - ok.. that's a lot to reply to... do u use msn or any other instant msgnr cuz it might just make things simpler...?

anyways...

1. i'm 5'11" [but yeah, u already got tht from somewhere]

2. I rarely go to church... On special occasions or when someone I'm close to wants me to go with them

3. I do have a sister, but she's younger than me not older...

>>i just couldn't figure out why you dont have a girlfriend...

right now, i have no clue either! but i'll assure you that i'm neither a midget nor a religious freak and my sister certainly isnt over protective...

I'm actually NOT very MCPish... it's just that some of the posts I write might make me come across as one.. but they're written for the humor value more than to put forth my feelings on the issue.. i have written quite a few posts exhalt women at the price of men, but no one seems to have noticed that!

and finally, just keep posting as many comments as and where you want... like i said, i get mail alerts for all comments so you neednt worry about them being on an old post tht i might not find... and rmbr, the more the merrier!! :)

Anna said...

hah...
i'm on gmail...
i will invite you...
if you're online now..
which i very much doubt...

Anna said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anna said...

and no pun intended.
abt the 'pretty' good looking part...

Arnold said...

anna - ok... well, no that theory of urs doesnt really make sense either...