What does a girl look for in a guy? This question has left many an able man scratching his slightly balding scalp. Looks? Sense of humor? Caring attitude? Porsche parked in the garage? [All four certainly wouldn't be bad!]
Well, while looks certainly do count, they aren't everything. They aren't even the most important thing. I know more cases than I would care to describe of stunning, hot girls going out with guys who would make Richard Grimpen look like a hunk. There is, however, an existent lower limit. But as long as you don't sport a wig or possess a hunchback you shouldn't have much to worry about even if you don't look quite like George Clooney. *drool*
Sense of humor? Ha-ha! Very funny! If you think you're going to woo any lady into bed with your one-liners or 'knock-knock' jokes, think again! Thorough investigation into the matter has proved that the female species has very little or no understanding of humor. Let me elaborate -
A few days ago I was scouring the milk products aisle at the super market, looking for something fresh, when I happened to overhear the following conversation from the neighboring aisle.
Wise Guy: Hey!
Dumb Gal: Hi!
Wise Guy: How do you like your eggs? Boiled, fried, scrambled or fertilized?
There followed 0.123 seconds of peace [luckily I was wearing my super cool millisecond timing wrist watch that day!], after which there was the sound of shopping cart hitting balls and then of a heavy body falling on the ground.
Get my point? Stay well clear of humor. It's clearly wasted on girls.
Well then, you might say, how about a guy with a sensitive, caring attitude? Surely, he's got to be a hit with the ladies.
Wrong again! This one's a Catch-22 situation of the highest order. Be all virile and manly and she'll accuse of you of being too callous and uncaring. But yet, should you ever squeeze a tear out of your eye she'll immediately call you a wimp! The fine line between these two opposites is so fine that it is almost non-existent and certainly not worth the effort of trying to locate it.
I guess that settles it then. The Porsche is the only thing that really matters. Girls are attracted by the smell of money like moths to a flame. Like they say - size does matter! But it's the size of your bank account!
I remember the winner of the Mrs India contest a couple of years ago being congratulated by her husband after the event. He was a short bloke with a potbelly and a shiny pate sporting a rather dyspeptic expression on his countenance. In a nutshell, he was as ugly as his wife was beautiful. My initial surprise though, was soon quelled when I came to know that he owned a couple of companies!
I once met a girl in a bar, who had the looks of a Greek goddess but was surprisingly ungifted in the intellectual department. [Let's just say her bust size was probably more than her IQ!] No amount of charming, wooing, flirting or seducing on my part was having the slightest effect on her. After a while a man came along and slapped a 100$ bill down in front of her. I watched her follow him out of the bar [and probably into his Mercedes]!
Lesson learnt - next time you're in a bar, say - "I'm not really this tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet!" Don't worry - like I said earlier girls have no sense of humor. She'll think you're serious!