Tuesday, September 13, 2005

What Does A Girl Want?



What does a girl look for in a guy? This question has left many an able man scratching his slightly balding scalp. Looks? Sense of humor? Caring attitude? Porsche parked in the garage? [All four certainly wouldn't be bad!]

Well, while looks certainly do count, they aren't everything. They aren't even the most important thing. I know more cases than I would care to describe of stunning, hot girls going out with guys who would make Richard Grimpen look like a hunk. There is, however, an existent lower limit. But as long as you don't sport a wig or possess a hunchback you shouldn't have much to worry about even if you don't look quite like George Clooney. *drool*

Sense of humor? Ha-ha! Very funny! If you think you're going to woo any lady into bed with your one-liners or 'knock-knock' jokes, think again! Thorough investigation into the matter has proved that the female species has very little or no understanding of humor. Let me elaborate -

A few days ago I was scouring the milk products aisle at the super market, looking for something fresh, when I happened to overhear the following conversation from the neighboring aisle.

Wise Guy: Hey!
Dumb Gal: Hi!
Wise Guy: How do you like your eggs? Boiled, fried, scrambled or fertilized?


There followed 0.123 seconds of peace [luckily I was wearing my super cool millisecond timing wrist watch that day!], after which there was the sound of shopping cart hitting balls and then of a heavy body falling on the ground.

Get my point? Stay well clear of humor. It's clearly wasted on girls.

Well then, you might say, how about a guy with a sensitive, caring attitude? Surely, he's got to be a hit with the ladies.

Wrong again! This one's a Catch-22 situation of the highest order. Be all virile and manly and she'll accuse of you of being too callous and uncaring. But yet, should you ever squeeze a tear out of your eye she'll immediately call you a wimp! The fine line between these two opposites is so fine that it is almost non-existent and certainly not worth the effort of trying to locate it.

I guess that settles it then. The Porsche is the only thing that really matters. Girls are attracted by the smell of money like moths to a flame. Like they say - size does matter! But it's the size of your bank account!

I remember the winner of the Mrs India contest a couple of years ago being congratulated by her husband after the event. He was a short bloke with a potbelly and a shiny pate sporting a rather dyspeptic expression on his countenance. In a nutshell, he was as ugly as his wife was beautiful. My initial surprise though, was soon quelled when I came to know that he owned a couple of companies!

I once met a girl in a bar, who had the looks of a Greek goddess but was surprisingly ungifted in the intellectual department. [Let's just say her bust size was probably more than her IQ!] No amount of charming, wooing, flirting or seducing on my part was having the slightest effect on her. After a while a man came along and slapped a 100$ bill down in front of her. I watched her follow him out of the bar [and probably into his Mercedes]!

Lesson learnt - next time you're in a bar, say - "I'm not really this tall, I'm just sitting on my wallet!" Don't worry - like I said earlier girls have no sense of humor. She'll think you're serious!



40 comments:

Nef said...

"after which there was the sound of shopping cart hitting balls and then of a heavy body falling on the ground. "

in sign language it would mean she likes smashed eggs. Quite a witty answer to me...you just don't see the humour of it.

and now I have to add you agian in my sidebar,
shhh...don't do that again.

siddharth said...

lol. gr8 moral of the story. Though you have missed out on the girls who are so stupid that they like guys sending them mushy (sometimes almost corny) messages all the time. To them, any guy who has some amount of common sense to not waste his time doing such stupid things, just cannot be called a boyfriend.

arnold said...

nef - hey!! loong time huh?? why'd u remove me in the first place... told ya i'd b bak!

sid - u referring to rahul by any chance??

Salil said...

Arnold dude, I so agree with you...
Donald Trump wouldn't be with all those babes today because of his intelligence/caring nature/physique/looks!

aboli said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
arnold said...

let me just say this much, aboli.... sid has a LOT more chance if he keep his mouth shut abt his IQ!!

Anonymous said...

"After a while a man came along and slapped a 100$ bill down in front of her. I watched her follow him out of the bar [and probably into his Mercedes]!"

Really ? Wwhich club in the US were you at ? Or was it in India ? If so, a $100 bill seems a little out of context, doesn't it ? Or was this little anecdote just a figment of your imagination ?

Anyway, if you go to a bar and try to pick up a hooker, you obviously have to have a full pocket. Maybe you don't have what it takes (intellectually or otherwise) to attract women of class. :)

arnold said...

mr "too-scared-to-sign-my-name" - if u must know, it *was* indeed in the states... and she wasn't a hooker...

Anonymous said...

Lol, are you even of legal drinking age to be in a pub ? Grow up kiddo.

Mercedes, Porche, dumb blonde tagging the man with the bucks...seriously, you watch too many movies. Rise above these cliches and stereotypes and maybe women may start to take an interest in your sorry self.

Aditya Udas said...

Dude I really dont know which girls you've been hanging out with man?
Are you sure all these "so called" girls aren't just a figment of your imagination?
Kya re...i thought cliches were a cliche now,n this definitely is a very cliched sterotypical guy thing to say.
Its almost like if you are a guy you have to believe something similar to what you've written.
Or then maybe im just fortunate to know a LOT OF WOMEN who probably dont match your definition of a typical woman.
If you want just a quick f**k then a 100$ bill would most definitely do the trick,n im not too sure what ur definition of flirting or wooing is anyway!! ;-)
Oh,one more thing, the US is definitely the easiest place to get lucky.I have some living proof in the form of friends!!So maybe you just didn't try hard enough,or maybe just tried too hard!!

Kunal T said...

this post is a figment of arnold's imagination. he doesn't even have 100 fucking dollars.

arnold said...

yea.. of course it's all fiction.. anyone who believed it is too stupid to argue with... it's just tht i dun like chicken livered shit heads who cant sign their names...

Anonymous said...

With an imagination like that, you can be rest assured your love life is as good as over. After reading this sick nonsense, no self respecting woman will even give you a look.

As for my identity, that is so disconcerting for you....you know me. And you see me everyday. I thought you were a person of character but after reading this bullshit, I know you are just an MCP.

You should be careful abbout what you write on your blog. It reflects directly on your personality. This is not the kind of stuff you want employers and co-workers (get the hint ?) and friends to read.

Anonymous said...

And while we are at the topic, let me point out two obvious and foolish inconsistensies. Quoting you,

#1
"if u must know, it *was* indeed in the states... and she wasn't a hooker..."

#2
"yea.. of course it's all fiction.. anyone who believed it is too stupid to argue with..."

Now what perplexes me is that if it was "indeed" in the US, how could it be fiction ? And if you really meant fiction-set-in-the-US, you need to do a little more research before making such sexist remarks.

Ofcourse, if all you ever watched up growing was Baywatch and MTV, I can understand why you think all women are money hungry sluts. You need to see a lot more of life and probably improve the standard of your social circle.

Again, don't bother raving about my Anonymous status. You won't be able to face me anymore in person when you know who I am. So its best if you don't know at all.

siddharth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
siddharth said...

anonymous, you certainly look disturbed after reading this post. Some tips I'd like to give you (and i debated a lot with myself on whether or not i should post any comment at all): Read the rest of Arnol'd blog. You are really going the wrong way by taking his posts too seriously. They are anything but serious. I know that certain blogs are meant to be taken as serious reading, but not this one. Some of Arnold's posts have some really good content of a serious nature, but have u ever seen such a good humorous blog? Isn't this blog a refreshing experience after going through some pretty mediocre and boring blogs? All I'd say is, take it like that; and labelling Arnold based on what he writes is one mistake I hope u are not stupid enough to commit.

siddharth said...

and, anonymous, do tell us who u are. Don't you think that you are weakening your point by the fact that you are hiding your face ?

Anonymous said...

Siddharth,

This post is not funny. It is cheap. Like a grade C hindi movie. Ask a girl to read this and you will get the same response. No woman in her right senses will find this even mildly entertaining.

And as far as Arnold's other posts go, he displays the same frivilousness in many of them, which only goes to show how fickle he is. If a future employer google searches on Arnold's name, comes across this blog and by some chance happens to read just this one post, what do you think happens ? Trust me, he won't have the time or patience to go through any other post where Arnold has revealed his brilliant character. In a world where political correctness is a professional norm, do you think anyone will want to hire a sexist clown ? I don't think so.

Again, I think Arnold knows by know or probably has guessed who I am. Why don't you just ask him ?

Aditya Udas said...

Hey... Who said C grade hindi movies aren't funny???
They're bloody hilarious!
This Anonymous guy seems to be a Gandhian or something like that!Let go man,it was just one post!

Aditya Udas said...

Arnold... Blogrolled you btw.

arnold said...

returned the favor mate...

siddharth said...

Anonymous, why do you care about Arnold's professional life so much? If you think that an employer would not like what he sees in A's posts, then what difference is it going to make to you? And in today's world where smartness and skills other than the basic ones required for a job are appreciated and rewarded, I don't think any employer will will think the way you think he will. If he has some concern about A's character, he will most probably subject 'A' to a psychometric test which will reveal Arnold's true personality; which is definitely very normal. I say this because Arnold isn't totally himself when he writes. If all the people of this world have such a sad view about things as you do, the there wouldn't have been any comic writers. Agreed, that you may find this one particular post a bit disturbing, but his entire blog?? c'mon dude, wake up; get a life. And I am saying this even after reading the post before this one. I almost sense some kind of anger on the personal level that you may have with Arnold, that you are trying to vent out through your scathing comments. If thats so, then reaveal yourself, speak to 'A' face to face. Don't be a coward.

Nilesh said...

Hi Arnold,

Welcome back dude!! Had been checking your blog on and off to see if you've resumed blogging!

Hey anonymous,

Give the guy a break. It's just a very humorous post. Anybody reading it will most definitely take as a funny, not-to-be-taken-seriously post.

Siddharth, I agree with you. This definitely seems to be a personal vendetta. Arnold, have you ruffled someone's feathers really bad in the recent past?

Anyways, keep blogging dude!!

Anonymous said...

kudos to annonymous & his/her posts....well he/she definitely has a point....maybe arnold's blog is entertaining for MCP's like siddharth.I wont comment on the entire blog but this particular post is so filled with shit.He probably is dillusioned & thinks he is aware of the entire female species & their likes & dislikes.All i can say is arnold needs to get out of this make belief world hes living in.Dude get a life!!!!!!This post just indicates your frustration and probably you are not getting what you want so vent your emotions out in the most disgusting manner!!!Its loathsome to read this & trust me any girl, no matter how highly she thinks of you(which i doubt),will have such a low opinion on you.Atleast the gals who know you will not even consider going out with you.Frustration can make a guy stoop so low its astonishing!!!!!

Dagny said...

Hmmm...so after making me quit blogging (*with ur RUDE remarks*) u started blogging yourself...
so were u like "intimidated" by my blog’s popularity? and thought tht it wud jeopardize your blog’s popularity?
*laughs*
anyway…I did read this post of yours after Ravi told me tht there you were back to blogging and there was some serious discussion going on with some anonymous blogger / commenter and I was suspected of being the anonymous poster. And let me tell you…after reading her comments How I REALLY wish I was that person.she has expressed her self mighty well. KUDOS to you Gal.
And about my views on that post ( though I agree with all those given by anonymous )
---->“How do you like your eggs? Boiled, fried, scrambled or fertilized?” <-----
this stmt reflects a CHEAP *sense of humor*(!!!Attitude!!!) which girls Definitely don’t appreciate.
------>I once met a girl in a bar, who had the looks of a Greek goddess but was surprisingly ungifted in the intellectual department. [Let's just say her bust size was probably more than her IQ!]<------
Well this stmt comes as NO surprise. Its TYPICALLY “arnoldish”.
All in all I really cant figure out in which part of this world would your imaginary story fit in.I dont think that women in the USA are this slutty. and OBVIOUSLY tht female who wanted $100 DEFINITELY was a Prostitute. You cant formulate STUPID & MCPish (*hi5 to anon*) Theories based on that.So Do enlighten me on that point.
And yea I wud take this chance to endorse the fact that you really don't (*or perhaps never will*) have what it takes to attract women of class.And guys like siddhu (*winks*) who'll follow his theories will be destined to similar fate.
And abt the anonymous commenter identity—gal I know You and I have recognized you. After all we have spent Hours together analyzing this kinda MCP attitude prevalent among guys. And feel lucky that Arnold wont be your colleague. (*ofcourse there will be other MCPs like him*).

Anonymous said...

kudos to fun spume too....well i just posted a post before hers & now guess am the second annonymous person here...almost 4got to make another point clear.arnold thinks that we are cowards who dont reveal their identities....well let me enlighten you a little more:"Dude get the point!!!most people dont wanna associate themselves with MCP's like arnold & siddharth who are so filled with shit!!!They are just desperate degenerated loosers"

siddharth said...

MCPs huh ?? You people don't even know us and are commenting like that. C'mon Sudnya, i thought you were a friend. Arnold, and I are (well even though you cannot exactly call us feminists) are definitely not MCPs. I hate the whole MCP funda myself from the very bottom of my heart. You anonymous commenters have taken the issue too far; taken a few posts too seriously. Just reveal yourselves, and we can have a face to face chat. Or are you so satisfied with just commenting as anonymouses, and sharing this whole lot of newly found female bonding amongst yourselves? You people suck really. If you got some guts, and think that you have some real point to make, just meet us in person.

Salil said...

>>most people dont wanna associate themselves with MCP's like arnold & siddharth

If you don't want to associate yourself with Arnold, then why comment on his blog?

I may not agree completely with Arnold (though my earlier comment, made in jest, suggests otherwise). But I'm all for free speech. Its his blog, his keyboard and his thoughts. If you don't like it, don't read it! At most you can do is flag his blog.

Aditya Udas said...

Too many people with too much of fucking free time on their hands...
Me being one of them!!
Jesus Christ,the definition of a blog is a place where you can put up what you feel,what u dont feel,what your fucking little toe feels,what your neighbours crotch feels or whatever it is that comes into your head.
It doesn't have to be right or wrong,n you anonymous fucks have no right of being so highly judgemental about ONE SINGLE post this guy has made.
You're taking it personally as if you were the bloody hooker in that club.Or you were her mom or something n actually felt offended.
I didn't agree with his post entirely earlier,but I didn't go into a complete character assasination spree,they're his thoughts,he'll post whatever he wants to,if you find it that bloody disturbing STOP READING HIS BLOG.
Or anyone's blog that you find SO OFFENDING for that matter.
N doing it anonymously HAS TO BE THE WORST METHOD OF GETTING A POINT ACROSS EVER!

Anonymous said...

Ok let me tell you guys that this is the second annonymous person posting...:-)wow this is tooooo much of fun!!!!aditya says"if you find it that bloody disturbing STOP READING HIS BLOG."Of course i am gonna stop reading his blog.This is my last post here because as aditya rightly puts it "Too many people with too much of fucking free time on their hands..."Now i definitely dont wanna be included in this list.Besides it is just sooo futile arguing with people like you guys who are soooo headstrong & will go to any extent to try and prove their point even if it is flawed.You just dont wanna accept it!!!
salil says"If you don't want to associate yourself with Arnold, then why comment on his blog?"well salil i thought you were smart but probably you also fit into that category of MCP's.....any self respecting woman will never tolerate such filth derived from this ass's figment of imagination....i curse myself for browsing the net the other day & while reading some blogs landed up at this god forsaken blog.Well dont worry guys dont ever wanna associate with you guys...
siddharth says"Just reveal yourselves, and we can have a face to face chat. Or are you so satisfied with just commenting as anonymouses, and sharing this whole lot of newly found female bonding amongst yourselves? You people suck really. If you got some guts, and think that you have some real point to make, just meet us in person. "i always thought you were the dumbest of the lot...and now i feel i had deduced right...come on siddharth did you really think that this was all about arguing and trying to prove who is right????its not about guts & its not about whose the chicken out here!!!!!its about making an attempt to remove misconceptions from people like you guys....you all have literally branded women as hungry whores & god knows what not....well i suggest do read something on lateral thinking.Try out some book by Edward de bono on thinking out of the box and on lateral thinking...think out of the box....explore & discover what women are & what they actually want before coming out with all this crap which then comes out to be a figment of arnold's imagination...& all you guys agree with arnold's views & applaud him. Then after some time when some annonymous writer posts his views you people come out with some funda that earlier we didnt completely agree with everything he said but took it in jest...quote salil"I may not agree completely with Arnold (though my earlier comment, made in jest, suggests otherwise)"wow now i meet hypocrites as well.Ya salil thumbs up for you when you say"But I'm all for free speech. Its his blog, his keyboard and his thoughts. If you don't like it, don't read it!"Like i said this is gonna be my last post here.In fact i didnt wanna post again but then just thought that i should give a decent bye.And salil how could you take this cheap stuff even in jest!!!!!
A little advice for fun spume:You say"Hmmm...so after making me quit blogging (*with ur RUDE remarks*) u started blogging yourself..."hey girl people like arnold should no ways try to influence you in deciding what to do or what not to do....i really pity you...that you actually know this guy & please tell me that he was not the reason who made you quit blogging.I am glad that i dont know guys like him....hey fun spume get out of there & you will find such wonderful people that you will say "There is a GOD!!!!"
oh ya annonymous1 glad to have met you too...although we dont know each other....hehehe
so its adios from me to arnold and his entire "fanclub".

Kunal said...

Arnold, dude, you're definitely on to something here. There seems to be a big market for posts that piss off girls. Maybe a post on the six rupee theory?

Nef said...

"Ask a girl to read this and you will get the same response. No woman in her right senses will find this even mildly entertaining. "

i m a girl and i laughed.. hence I am a boy...

erm, i think all those anonymous are frustrated because nobody never slapped a 100 dollars bill in front of them in a despereate attempt to have them.
eh arnold, why don't you call your blog "c'est la r├ęsurrectiion.." now that you are back ?

maverick said...

"anonymous" -u think Arnold sucks and waste so much time and energy commenting here. hence you're the one that really sucks. this blog is so much fun.

and wouldnt we love the six rupee theory.

AB said...

LOL, I guess I must not be in my right mind,because I think your hillarious. I do hope you're not serious thaugh. Not all girls are greedy, and self serving, althaugh I will admit that there quite a few like that out there. Almost feel of my chair with laughter. :) AB~

AB said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
arnold said...

which aditya are you talking about? a know a couple...

AB said...

The one that goes to IIT and has a blog. :) AB

AB said...

Anyway, It's not the aditya that I see is posting here, and I wasn't saying that aditya bothers me. I think he is an OK, guy. Anyway, if you know him, tell him AB says hi, and I am still wondering whats in that container. I am just to curious for my own good, :) AB

arnold said...

ok.. i think the aditya u're referring to is bidikar.. yea... i know him.. only thru blogging though..

AB said...

Bidikar? I will have to ask my Indian friends what that means? If thats a family name, it's not him, I am speaking about the one who posts on my blog from time to time.

Anyway, TY for posting on my blog. I will be back! :) AB