Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Drinking Problems

I think the biggest problem I have with people getting drunk is their infernal need to announce it to everyone around! It seems like whenever someone has had a little bit too much to drink, their most important priority in life is suddenly to grab someone by the ass and go, “Look at me. I’m drunk!” But they won’t stop there. Nah huh. They need to spread that information on to everyone in the world who is within communicable range.

Now, some years ago, “communicable range” used to be confined to people within hollering distance of the subject. That was good. Today, thanks to cell phones and the internet, this has now been broadened to include just about everyone on the planet. I have actually received text messages on my phone (or messages via Instant Messaging), from people I haven’t spoken to in months, telling me that they’re plastered. Really, it’s happened.

I think that is one reason we have so many words for it to begin with – drunk, intoxicated, inebriated, hammered, wasted, smashed, sozzled, tipsy, buzzed, plastered, tanked, loaded, blitzed, trashed, wrecked, bombed or even, if you wish, shit-faced. The list could go on and on. The only reason people keep inventing new words for this is so that they can tell someone they’re drunk. In about three hundred different ways.

Drunk dialing, though, does have its plus points. I can’t count the number of relationships that have been born out of one of the people getting drunk, calling up the other and saying, “You know what? I lurrrve you.” I like it for that.

Stuff like that was so much harder in the old days. If you’ve ever tried calling the love-of-your-life’s house at one in the morning after having gotten smashed only to have her Mom answer the phone, you’d know what I mean. (On the other hand, all these cell phones have completely wiped out the entire “Blank Calling” industry. That used to be big when I was a kid, I remember. Fun times.)

The irony of the whole situation, though, is this – they keep yelling out that they’re drunk, but if you actually ask them, they’ll deny it.

Girl (on two sniffs of Vodka): Oh boy, I’m so drunk. You have no idea how drunk I am. Drunk. Drunk. Drunk!
Me (two minutes hence): Are you drunk?
Girl: Of course not! Don’t be stupid!

True conversation.

And forgive the ramblingness of this post. Apologies to all.


KT said...

I can think of atleast one good friend who proclaims his inebriated state every given chance ;)

Gauri Gharpure said...

nicee.. i enjoyed reading this post..

Salil said...

So people now keep in touch with the excuse of being drunk - funny!

Jayesh said...

what about people who breakup because they are drunk ? It would go like - " You are ugly...but there is so much more.. you are pretentious.. " Drunk dialing could work both ways :)

Arnold said...

@kt: Remember the one time we both got messages within a minute of each other from him! ;)

@gauri gharpure: Thank you!

@salil: You mean "get drunk with the excuse of keeping in touch"?

@jayesh: Surprisingly it doesn't happen quite as much! Wonder why.

ruhey said...

dude, where I am right, they ain't got no caller id...blank calling is still on!

Arnold said...

@ruhey: May I ask, where are you?

ruhey said...

Sure, sure...transported myself to Accra, Ghana only temporarily though! So Ghana Telecom does not provides the service of Caller ID.

Anonymous said...

I believe in drunk dialling. Totally. It makes for amazing conversations about nothing at all. Cheers.

divinediu said...


Blank calls. I miss them. Giving and receiving. Both.
Even cross connections. That happens on cell phones too, but I just remembered that. :)

Nice post btw.

And when I get drunk, I'm SO gonna gloat about it!! :D

Even to you, not to worry! :P

Siddharth said...

Arnold, how could you forgot the commonly used term: Sloshed? How could you? Very disappointed, I am.

Instant messenger stalking also used to be big just a few years ago...gone are those days :(.

Arnold said...

@the crow: Conversations about nothing at all are exactly what frustrates the living crap out of me!

@divinediu: Thank you. Thank you. Feel me to send me a postcard about your drunken experiences.

@sid: Dude! How could I have! Damn! Speaking of IMS, we need to regroup and start some again!

payal.k said...

hehehe...This is hilarious and sooo true! I myself love talkin to "some people" when m "drunk" cuz i feel that i make interestin conversations then..:p
n u hav a pretty good sense of humor :)