Thursday, August 21, 2008


So the Olympics are on—everyone’s the sports expert for these two weeks. People, who didn’t know that an event called “Dressage” existed a month ago, are now providing play-by-play commentary as they watch it on television. I would know—my Mom happens to be one of those types.

Dressage amazes me. Just the very fact that it exists. I mean it just has to be the most boring sports event in the world? Are we five-year-old children to sit and look at a bunch of horses dancing around? At least with ballet, you can sit and watch the girls. But horses? This is an Olympic event? I suggest we add nail-clipping, nose-picking and ear-scratching too. They’re about the same level of interesting as dressage—at the very least!

And since it’s called the ‘dress’age – have you seen the way the participants dress? Eighteenth century European style clothing! What’s with that? I’m no fashion expert but if there’s anything I would describe as G-A-Y, this would be it. (Looking at it that way, it goes nicely with the rest of the “sport” though!) The ancient Greeks would have cringed in disgust if they knew that, two-and-a-half millennia later, their hallowed Olympic Games were going to contain an event like the dressage.1

The commentators try to make the sport a little more interesting. They seem to get excited at the smallest things. I can’t blame them. If you had a job once every four years—you’d be pretty excited about it too! Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone else on the planet shares that enthusiasm except the riders. Oh, and my Mom. I’m sure the horses don’t. Back at the stable later in the evening they probably get ridiculed by the show jumping horses.

Super Stud: So, hey Queenie, what did you do today?
Queenie: Ummm. Nothing much really. Don’t want to talk about it.
Super Stud: Oh! Come on! You can tell me. What’s the big deal?
Queenie: Okay. But listen you mustn’t judge me. Remember, I had no choice. I was forced to do it!
Super Stud: Okay. Okay.
Queenie (quietly): Dressage.
Super Stud (to fellow show jumper): Gaaayyyyyyy.

Queenie bursts into tears.

More on the Olympics later.

1 Addendum: The ancient Olympics in Greece were very gay. Completely nude men participating and no women allowed to even watch? Can’t get worse that that! They might actually have been proud of the dressage.


Yash Marathe said...

The least DD could do for dressage is get all their commentators who are doing the other events to do dressage. They are so pathetic, this could actually turn into one of the most entertaining events of the Olympics.

Comm. 1: And what a fantastic [sic] by the horse of the Great Brit-tane [sic]. Ridden by the Mike-kale [sic].

{DD Commentators are averse to using last names}

Comm. 2: Jee haan, aur aap dekh sakte hein ki kitne aasani se Michael ke ghode ne ye kiya hein.
Is event mein Bharat ke koi khiladi maujood nahi hein, lekin hum batana chahte hein ki pichle hafte Abhinav Bindra ne suvarna padak jeeta, shooting mein.


Siddharth Dani said...

I had a hot co-worker in Seattle who was obsessed with horses (I have recently read a theory about why girls start loving horses at like 11 years of age and the fascination continues into adulthood for some...makes a lot of sense if you think of it) and she used to participate in dressage. It then makes a lot of sense to have some knowledge about the sport so that you are the only one left conversing with this hot chick over coffee in the office kitchen, while the other workers look on lamely. (she was the only girl in the office)

Arnold said...

@siddharth dani: If at the end of the night, she prefers a horse to you though -- doesn't really make much difference does it?