Thursday, November 30, 2006

You Won’t Get Me!

With the number of Hidden Camera shows around -- and four-five new ones cropping up every week -- I figure my chances of inadvertently appearing on one of them to be significant enough to be worth pondering upon. I’d hate to end up looking like one of those confused folks I’m always seeing on such shows. My current plan is to be a constant lookout for hidden cameras everywhere. However, this slows my day down considerably. You know, get up, look around bedroom for camera, brush teeth, look behind bathroom mirror for camera, take a dump, look around behind flush for camera... . Get the picture?

Also -- despite the fact that I wouldn’t hold the intelligence of the people making these shows in too high regard -- I’d have to believe that they aren’t COMPLETE idiots either. I’m guessing they’ll be able to hide the camera well enough to avoid detection -- even though I’m looking for it. That’s their job, after all.

Fortunately, I have a supplemental plan to go along with my Constant Hidden Camera Detect Mode. I try to pretend, at all times, as if I’m on camera. This way when they finally do catch me, I figure I’ll have already acted as necessary. If things get even slightly out-of-tune, my senses switch to high alert.

For example, if my burger at McDonald’s looks even the slightest bit rubbery, I immediately glance all around for a suspicious looking guy standing near me with an attaché case that may or may not be concealing a camera within. I then push him to the ground, yelling, “Get away from me, you perverted reality-TV freak!” I also stomp on the case he’s carrying and throw the burger in the face of the guy serving it to me. By this time, I can normally make out from the way things are going, whether my suspicions were right or not. (Surprisingly, I’ve never been correct as yet, but you can’t take chances, you know.)

If I see someone standing beside a lake yelling that their friend/sister/father/child has fallen in and can’t swim, I sweetly smile back and say, “Hah! Nice try. Almost got me there!” I then stick my tongue out at the person thrashing about wildly in the water and continue on my way. I figure one life is worth the cost of avoiding coming out of the water looking like a drowned rat, only to be told, “Haha! Gotcha!” (So far three people have drowned because of this policy of mine. However, I haven’t heard any of those three complain.)

Of course, none of this is going to make me very popular. But given a choice between being slightly disliked by half of humanity or looking like a chump on national television, I know which of the two evils I’d rather choose.

(I wrote this post fully clothed for once. You never know where the cameras might be.)


phantasmagoria said...

looks like we need to get Arnold some expert ppsychiatric help.
but then again, if he's alright we wont enjoy this much!!!


KT said...

I am not sure what inspired this post, but I think it is Big Boss. I am aamaaazed that you watch
a. television in hindi
b. reality tv


Arnold said...

phantasmagoria - far beyond the reach of medical assistance... FAR beyond..

kt - i'm actually hurt at that accusation! i've only heard the name of the show.. and i know it has something to do with Rakhi (Rakhee?) sawant.. i barely get time to watch ANY tv these days..

Mulling Over My Thoughts said...

hey arnold!
i cannot remember you in a single sane moment since our scool-days... trust me on this one, none of the prank shows would ever wanna pick a bone with you, after all, they like being the smart-asses in front of the millions of viewers and i doubt they would appreciate being outdone in that respect...
enjoy your time as a mortal kiddo, you shall never be immortalised on television... atleast not on the prank shows...

Arnold said...

mulling over my thoughts - thanks for the kind words, man! though, i dont remember being so insane back then :P

iz said...

It could be worse. you could be filmed actually AVOIDING the cameras and think how stupid you'd look then?

Rachel said...

Hopefully if you ever do end up on some kind of reality show you won't be wearing any kind of strechy pants.
They don't look good on anyone.
Only wear things that make your butt look great and you will want to make it on camera. At least your back half will.

Moment said...

lol...Now you've got me thinking about who might be watching me!

SwitchBlade said...

Chuck Norris knows where all the hidden cameras are.

konika said...

but Chuck Norris still looks like a chump on tv.