Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Advantages of Being Gay

I was pondering on and wondering about homosexuality the other day, and I realized that there are quite a few advantages to being gay. Firstly, allow me to state that I believe most people are “bi-sexual”. By this I mean, if 0 is completely straight and 1 is completely homosexual, then most people would lie somewhere in between. A large majority of people are close to 0, but they’re not exactly 0. Most things in this fuzzy world are gray (as opposed to black or white) and so I would assume that it should be no different for one’s sexual orientation. I would define true “bi-sexuality” as somewhere between 0.4 and 0.6, but that’s open to interpretation.

Getting back to the advantages. To begin with, homosexuals operate in a perfectly balanced demand-supply market. There are as many gay men as there are, well, gay men. D = S. If you think demand and supply don’t really matter much you were obviously never an engineering student. As a straight guy in India, I’m swimming against the demand-supply tide. There are more single straight men around than single straight women. Of course, quality will always come out on top and if you’re either rich or have a lot of money (the only two things chicks look for), you’ll get plenty of constant poontang anyway. But it’s a lot harder because you’re in the majority and so you’re devalued that much. Strike one for gays!

Then, as Jerry Seinfeld once sagaciously pointed out, if you’re gay and you’re dating someone with roughly the same build, you automatically double your entire wardrobe. For a guy, this may only mean four pairs of shoes instead of two, but for a girl the numbers are staggering. A gazillion times two pairs of jeans and a squintillion (that’s where you have to squint just to see all the zeroes) times two pairs of shoes. I can’t even do the math. But it’s definitely another plus point in favor of homosexuality.

But the final, and most important, advantage I see to being gay is what I call the “what’s your point?” retort. Let me explain how it works. Normally, when you do something stupid someone else will be quick to poke fun at you saying, “That’s so GAY!” Now, if you are in reality gay, then you can come back with a “What’s your point?” Let me give you an example.

Big Stud: Hey, look at you, calling for the menu at the bar. That’s just so goddamned gay!
Cool Gay: And what was your point again?

Admittedly, this last advantage is only applicable to male homosexuals but I have a feeling it’s slightly made up for by the fact that lesbian have an entire porn industry for their pleasure while gays have practically nothing on the internet that would interest them.

Okay, so on the flip side, being gay means that you can’t visit Iran without losing your head or Israel without shaking the place up (link from here) and in the small eventuality of the Bible actually being true you’re likely to get rogered in hell for all eternity when you die. But to me it seems like it’s totally worth the deal.

What advantages can you think of?

18 comments:

Firefoxcub said...

That you'll NEVER have to worry about getting pregnant. as a lezzie that is.

Tuesday Trivia: Did you know that there's a (dumbass) movement on in the SF Lesbian community to start calling lesbians 'gayelles'. Apparently 'lesbian' is offensive.

Arnold said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arnold said...

firefoxcub - Of course, the impossibility of impregnation would count high on the advantages list for lesbians. (Perhaps one could even consider the impossibility of impregnation as a plus point for guys, but then you'd probably retort, "Like they care anyway!")

And also, interesting piece of trivia. Did not know that. Thanks.

Rockus said...

You are true about the gray area though...don't think anyone can be totally gay or totally straight! Hmmm, after seeing the advantages may be I should give it a thought! The prospect being prodded by a trident on your ass for the rest of the afterlife does give me jeepers! :-P

Mulling Over My Thoughts said...

you dont have to worry about building a bridge between mars and venus for one! no issues trying to understand the opposite sex. if you are gay, you understand your partner almost as well as you understand yourself!
no tantrums about not understanding each other's needs!
and in bed, i bet you would pretty much know which spots to hit!
so many advantages to being gay, i wonder why im playing in the skewed demand-supply market of the straight indian male!

Arnold said...

Mulling Over My Thoughts - You make good points, my friend. It's so much easier when you have daily practice. You know exactly what to hit, eh! ;)

hoople said...

i dont know what ur talking abt; there's plenty of gay porn on the net! i should know!
unfortunately the indian gray market for such stuff hasn't yet caught on. sigh.

Arnold said...

hoople - Well, you said it, not me... :|

Sparsh said...

being bi wud be more profitable then.
to sum up the pluses:
Twice the # of opportunities, no feminist issue("Who is the man in the relationship"? hah!), can go to las vegas n enjoy pretty much the same things, can use the same locker rooms n discuss others' assets(or lack of it),can go for beauty-parlors/message bar together, shopping wud be more fun, more empathy can be expected(as in painful periods or instrument malfunction- whatever be ur case), more security in the relationship(considering there are comparatively fewer options out there for the partner) etc...
oh n cudn't help but ask - are you a IE?

Arnold said...

sparsh - I didn't really get how most of the advantages you listed out apply to a person with male+female sexual preferences... But yea, in many ways "bi" is good.. And like I said, almost all of us are bi to an extent..

Also, what do you mean by "IE"?

saurabhj said...

Hey!! How could you miss the part in which both the men make money and there are no women to spend it!
It would be the best case scenario of dual income.

You could buy Lazboys and get a huge ass TV and video games and and ..

Oh wait a minute ... isn't that what Joey and Chandler did in friends?

:)

parsleytree said...

Just because us "gayelles" have a lot of porn around, doesn't mean it's any good.

Lesbian pron- directed by straight men and made for them, is about as far from lesbian sex as can be.

Besides, who can watch those girls with those long nails! OUCH!

Arnold said...

parsleytree - What are you saying?!! WTF is "lesbian sex" actually like then?? Damn! Have to find out now!

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