Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Love, Shmove and all that Jazz!

All male beings hate relationships. They love the sex; but they hate the relationship. That's because they hate commitment. Actually ‘fear’ would be a better word. All men fear commitment. Can't stand it at all. Frightens the living daylights out of them.

The way I see it, ‘relationships’ are just the price that men pay in order to get regular free sex (‘free’ if you don’t count the relationship). Contrast that with women, who often view regular sex as the price that must be shelled out in order to have a steady relationship. In the end though, the women get the relationship, the men the sex, and everyone’s happy.

Why do guys hate commitment?

Because it has too many strings attached to it. Too many unwritten laws and regulations that must be followed. Too many responsibilities. In short, it means your life as you knew it before you got into the relationship is over! It means no late nights with the guys and coming home drunk at 2.00 am. It means having to rack your brain for that perfect gift to give her for her birthday. It means no flirting with the cute salesgirl behind the counter at the mall.

I think the last point is the most poignant. Commitment can also be spelled another way - “M-o-n-o-g-a-m-y”! And that’s something that no man was ever built to deal with. It’s like going fishing, but only being allowed to catch one fish! Or like sending a woman into a cosmetic store and only letting her buy one perfume! Makes no sense, does it? (Try actually picturing the shopping store example, ladies!)

Two things that men cannot understand are women’s fascination with flowers and with cards! A man’s brain is completely practical - if he can’t put something to use, he doesn’t want it! For a man, the verb ‘use’ has three meanings - ‘eat’, ‘play with’ or ‘sleep with’! Thus, pepperoni pizza, a Sony PlayStation and Paris Hilton would all make for excellent gifts. But not flowers.

Why would a woman ever like to receive flowers? What is she going to do with them? How does she plan to use them? The same goes argument holds for cards. You say you can look at the card sometime in the future and cherish the memory? Well, a set of golf clubs last at least as long, so I’d just as soon be cherishing memories using those instead. At least this way, my cherishing is being done on the pleasurable confines of the golf course.

So once again, it’s simple game theory. He knows she likes flowers, but he doesn’t know why. But why should he care? He gives her the flowers and hopes that it leads to her bed - simple as that! That’s all it takes - a little common sense, a bouquet of flowers and a sweetly worded card! Except you’ve then got to be willing to pay the heavier price - the relationship!


Salil said...

Do you flirt with the cute salesgirl behind the counter at the mall?

Do you play golf?

Arnold said...

Did I say the post was about myself in particular?

Rupali said...

You must get your perceptions right, guy. :-)
Even after having a commitment, you can come back home drunk at 2 (or choose not to come home at all), flirt with the cute salesgirl, or enjoy things in general. All it requires is having faith in your partner, and love and respect for that someone. As far as getting a gift is concerned, wud u like someone to gift you wht u don’t like? If not, then the same applied to girls as well. It’s all about looking at the life differently and doing things for love, not lust. Sex you can get without commitment as well (no commitment from the girl’s side included). But remember, sex is more between the ears. Choice is yours!

Yashita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ganesh Hegde said...

[i]For a man, the verb ‘use’ has three meanings - ‘eat’, ‘play with’ or ‘sleep with’! ????[/i]
what bout Toilet Paper,or the telephone for that matter??

Arnold said...

ganesh - mere exceptions, my friend, mere exceptions!